I want to ask a question about toilet paper, yes, I know what may be going through your head, but I am going to ask anyways. Do you think about how your ass feels when you leave the bathroom? Do people really think, “Wow my ass is clean as a whistle and baby soft? I am so glad I bought XYZ TP.” I am so tired of watching commercials where people are excited about how clean they feel and the fact that “everybody goes”. Well of course we do, duh. 

There are questions about how clean you feel, how soft it is and now we are being told that using toilet paper alone is like showering with your clothes on. I am here to tell you I have yet to wipe with my pants pulled up. My only concern is not having my finger go through the paper, give me that and I am happy. It beats using a corncob.

And how about the bears and having balls of TP stuck to their fur. That is what the hair is for, to catch those little balls. This is where the term dingle berry comes from. The hair serves a purpose, and if it bothers you that much then get a Brazilian. No muss, no fuss, and no more dingle berries. Now where is that Sears and Roebucks.

Shell Made $31 Billion in Profits in 2011 While My Sister in Law Got the Shaft

Look at the name of this blog. It is called “Rational Stupidity” If rational is looked up in Webster’s the definition reads;

Ra-tion-al (adjective)

1.     Reasonable and sensible

a.      Governed by, or showing evidence of, clear and sensible thinking and judgment, based on reason rather than emotion or prejudice

2.     Able to think clearly and sensibly

a.      Unimpaired by physical or mental condition, strong emotion, or prejudice

Well I could go on and on but you get my drift. Can stupidity be rational? Stupidity is a lack of intelligence, perception, or common sense. So how can stupidity be rational? Hence the name of this blog, there is no rational stupidity because stupid is not rational. I know, you are thinking this is an English lesson, but bear with me I have some bitching to do and I think you will get my point. In fact, if you don’t then I may be the stupid one here.

Case in point, my sister-in-law, and her heart problem. I am going to call it as I see it here folks and tell you the company she works for, but for her privacy, I will not say where (Virginia) ahem. She has had some problems with shortness of breath, arm pain and indigestion, yet because she has a medical bill she has been paying on she has not wanted to go to the doctor. She is single and makes very little over minimum wage, so a bill that she pays $50 a month towards is a big deal to her. She finally went to the doctor where they found a blockage and she will need to have a stent placed in an artery. Of course those sweet little assholes that work in billing paid her a nice visit as she lay in her bed and told her they wanted the money paid straight forward for the bill she already has. She has only the one by the way and what started as a $1000 bill is now down to $150. They are such fucking idiots I wish I could have been there. I get angry just thinking about it. Of course, my reaction would not be considered rational, but would be considered stupid by some.

My sweet sister in law is a straight-laced law abiding citizen and would not break the law if she were held at gunpoint, so I am sure she thinks if she does not pay right away, she will be dragged into court. Did I say they are fucking idiots?

The company she works for will not let her use the vacation time she has accumulated and has instead placed her on a temporary medical leave. You know that a medical leave does not pay your full wages instead coming in at around 66% roughly. Well hers does anyways. She works for Shell at a gas station/convenience store and makes little money and no overtime. You can see the conundrum here right? Shell CEO’s make millions in bonuses every year and the Shell Oil Company makes BILLIONS in profits every fucking year raping the American public and now I know how they do it. By not giving the first hint of a shit about the people who work for them. So remember the oil company as my sister in law tries to make ends meet working for a Shell backed franchise.

No I Do Not Have a Job Asshat!

I have been unemployed for a while and I have to say it sucks. People are real condescending when they have a job; you don’t and they know you are praying for the one they have. No way douche bag, you ain’t getting it I am here to tell you. I like the way they hold that little carrot under your nose and laugh as you roll over begging for a belly rub. I have been told; drive 300 miles, pay for a hotel room and we will reimburse you. Oh wait; ”I am sorry I forgot to tell you I have a job and you don’t, So right after you spend the little bit of money you do not have, we are not even going to call you to tell you we think you suck and you are not getting the job. Yeah honey, use those swollen fingers to e-mail us. We will not e-mail you back. Oh and if you think you can call and speak to one of us well, let me wipe the tears from my eyes as I laugh convulsively at your naiveté, you ignorant poor bitch”.

I have driven 150 miles one way, spent five hours talking to everyone in the building. The janitor thought I had a chance, but you know what the deal is. I could say it is the economy, the national debt; I mean I did try to tell Obama “don’t do it man, no we cannot!” Maybe it is the one thing no one talks about, shhhhhhh I am old. Now I know that sounds like I am in my eighties. Truth be told at least then I could be a greeter at WallyWorld, cuz I think that is a requisite. However, over 50 obviously means worn out, washed up, rode hard and put away wet.

The sad thing is that I am not alone. I know many people who are in the same boat I am in and let me tell you it is hard. When no one wants to hire you, where does that leave you? I figured I could be a prostitute, but I want a guy to look me in the eyes and he can’t do that while fumbling for my breast that is dangling around my knees. No I figure I would be paying them and that would defeat the purpose of that now wouldn’t it?

If It Is Good Enough For Joan Rivers, We Should Embrace It

Finally, a topic that makes sense and one that does not fall under the “rational stupidity rules. Washington and Colorado have raised $3 million ahead of a November vote, far outpacing the opposition to legalize and regulate pot in those two states. Advocates of pot legalization in Washington State have solicited nearly $2 million since the proposal qualified for the ballot in January, and about $1 million in Colorado since its measure earned a place on the ballot the following month.

Okay so Oompaloompa and the STD running for office should look at the money gathered in just a short time. It will be on the ballots and people will vote for it. Yeah that’s right you straight laced pompous asses. Money from pot, marihootchie, maryjane, Ganja, reefer. We as Americans could grow it, cultivate it, dry it, and package that shit right up. Pay tax on it, keep the money here and never let another country own us again. Now that is a stimulus bill.

It is illegal to have a little pot on you, because it is considered a “dangerous narcotic” and therefore leads to the hard crap, like meth and crack. Of course it does, just as alcohol was dangerous and an affront to our morality.  I got your morality (picture me grabbing my crotch ala gangsta style) right here. Instead of a stimulus bill, I say we have a stimulating bill. Smoking a stimulating joint while keeping my money right here with me. How much time would elapse before our national debt would be gone? We could keep our military from fighting drug wars because we would have our own dope. Now I will concede that the legal smoking age should be 21. Of course, glaucoma at age 21 is a little far-fetched but having nerves or just being stressed is possible. If Joan Rivers can walk in, see a doctor, get a prescription, and then buy some awesome bud all in one day, we should all be afforded the same chance. I say rock on Washington and Colorado, and I hope 48 states follow your lead, because if not, you are going to see a population explosion.

Twenty Five Men to Throw Down Dirt, or Stimulus Money Hard at Work

I live very near a major highway. So damn major it has two lanes, but highway it is. Lately I have noticed that some of the stimulus money is still hard at work. Wow I like that the President is creating jobs. (Unemployment here is at 9%)As I drive15 miles to the nearest grocery store, I have to admit it strains the last bit of my femininity to not get out of my car and beat the holy shit out of one of the two men holding the stop/slow sign. I am gobbling blood pressure pills in the front and the kids are in the back screaming, “he is touching me”, “you stink” and hitting each other with cell phones. You have to love teenagers!

As I pull the wad of gum from the back of my head, I see movement ahead near the 10-mile mark. The pace car, and finally we can start moving. I wonder if they are making these four lanes. On the other hand, are they building an overpass? It has to be something big because they are using a truck with stick on lights and a big sign that says, “follow me “We finally drive five miles up the road and there it is, nothing. Wait look over there, they are putting a two foot wide strip of dirt on the shoulder. Now mind you we sat for ten minutes in a long line of traffic, followed a pace car at 15 miles per hour, stopped to smack the kids, and slowly drove by a crew large enough to build the Manhattan Bridge as they shovel used fill dirt on the shoulder of a two-lane highway.

Reminds me of the election, like old men sitting on the liar’s bench at the country store; each trying to outdo the other with tall tales of their accomplishments knowing all along that they are desperately trying to convince the crowd they are upstanding citizens. All they really are doing is trying to out lie the other and make themselves king of the liar’s bench.

Just as the President tells us he created jobs (consider the above incident), the other liar pretends he has no money. Now back home again as we watch those picking rocks out of the fresh laid dirt. Yup, my tax dollars hard at work.